


What Comes After Hell?

by blakefancier, Willa Shakespeare (AnonEhouse)



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternating Point of View, Depression, Dub-con (not followed through), M/M, Post Gauda Prime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 22:06:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakefancier/pseuds/blakefancier, https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/Willa%20Shakespeare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU in which the Scorpio crew survives GP and stays together. Avon is past caring about anything until they find Blake. But is it too late for them to find acceptance for the past and continue on together?</p><p>(This was an RPG, remade into fic form.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Comes After Hell?

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

Avon watched the monitor in the makeshift base control room until their ship landed. No one had yet bothered to name the craft, although Vila had made a half-hearted attempt to call it 'Sagittarius' for the star-sign following Scorpio. Avon turned and, as always, Vila was there. They all kept a watch on Avon, not that he cared. He was going through the motions of living, simply because dying seemed too much trouble. He went to the landing strip, not listening as Vila chattered on about the 'surprise' the others had found. Avon vaguely hoped it was fresh fruit. He was tired of emergency rations, the only edibles they'd found in this abandoned base. He was also tired of the base itself, but with a galaxy-wide price on his head from both rebels and Federation alike the others refused to take him with them on their expeditions. He was no longer in charge of anything, and it seemed to bother them that he didn't care.

***

Blake kept as far away from the others as possible. He didn't quite believe their claim that they were with Avon, but they were his only chance out of Hell. The children crouched near him, staring warily at their surroundings, quiet and tense. They noticed that Blake was fingering his knives; they knew there was danger. When the ship landed, Blake waited until the others, except the pilot, were off ship before he and the children made their way out. His eyes narrowed as he saw Avon in the distance, thin and pale, but still he did not relax.

***

Avon arrived at the landing site with Vila, who immediately ran ahead and took Dayna's arm, bustling her and Soolin off. Apparently the surprise was a mobile one. Avon had a faint hope that they had become sensible and sold him to a bounty hunter. There was a large man standing at the entrance to the ship. Avon approached, making himself as easy a target as possible, hoping for a clean shot.

Blake muttered something to the children in a strange, guttural, language and moved toward Avon slowly. The children followed behind him, the oldest child, a 12-year-old boy, taking the rear.

Avon froze. He whispered, "Blake?" Then he smiled. "It's finally happened. I've gone completely mad."

Blake stopped right in front of Avon and stared at him coldly. "You look like you've been in Hell with me. The children need food and beds."

"Children?" Avon blinked and belatedly noticed the small figures in Blake's wake. "I don't... I don't understand."

Blake looked slightly amused. "Children, they're small humans." He paused. "Well, these aren't completely human. But surely you understand the concept of children."

"No... you... I don't understand... how..." Avon began backing away.

Blake felt a surge of satisfaction at Avon's reaction. He grabbed him by the front of his shirt and gave him a gentle shake. "Not yet, Avon. Focus! Food. Beds."

"The base...." Avon turned his head to indicate the direction, but his eyes were still on Blake. "There are plenty of beds... only e-rations for food, but... How, Blake? How?"

"After Star One, Servalan captured me, and stranded me on a planet affectionately named Hell. And it was hell." With a cold smile, Blake turned his head to show Avon the scars on his face. "A demon did that." He released Avon and gestured toward the base. "Show us." Blake picked up the smallest child, a curly-haired blonde girl of about four years.

Avon blinked at the child. There was something familiar about her features. "And the children?" 

"From what I've been told, there were settlers who tried to colonize Hell. Most of them died, but the few who survived, adapted. A few weeks after I was stranded on Hell, I met Lilith. She had just lost her mate. Rae and Orin were his. Lily is mine."

"Yours." Avon looked from Blake to the child in his arms and back. "Yes. I see." He shook his head. "Beds and food... this way." Avon turned.

Blake watched Avon a moment, then followed. There was something not quite right with Avon. If it were any other person, Blake might think he was broken. But not Avon. Still, he knew he couldn't show weakness, not if he was going to keep his promise to Lilith to protect his children. "I'll share a room with them. Until they grow used to their surroundings."

"I don't believe there are any...family rooms." Avon hesitated, thinking. "But there is something we were using as a rest room, which has several couches, and space for a bunk." Avon's legs were moving on automatic. Once he turned away from Blake he could no longer bring himself to look back at him. "We also have a minimally equipped medical unit..."

"We're fine. Nothing food, rest, and relaxation won't cure." Lily rested her head on Blake's shoulder and began to doze. Orin crept forward and kept close to Blake's side, his hand brushing Blake's for reassurance. "Once I get the children settled in, we'll need to talk."

"Talk. Yes. Of course." Avon wondered who was speaking for him, but since whoever it was seemed to be doing adequately, he wasn't complaining. "When Vila shows up, I'm sure he will be able to help you find clothing and any other necessities. He knows this base better than anyone...there were quite a few locked doors."

"We're fine for now. Though I'll have to warn Vila to take great care around my children. They've learned to strike fast, hard, and first." He grinned. "I'd hate for them to seriously injure him. Or any of your crew." He laid a hand on Avon's shoulder.

Avon flinched, then regained his balance. "Not my crew. Vila and Soolin acquired the ship and Tarrant's in charge. If you want to go anywhere, you'll need to talk to him."

Blake laughed, digging his fingers into Avon's shoulder. "That _boy_ is your leader? Oh, I think not. No, he'd step aside if you told him to. They found me for you, Avon."

Avon shrugged as best he could. "They stumbled over you..." He was still not looking at Blake. "If you want to be leader, talk to Tarrant." 

Blake said softly, "No one stumbles over Hell, Avon. And I don't want to talk to Tarrant. I want to talk to you. After the children are settled, you're taking me to your room."

"As you wish." Avon's shoulder was growing numb where Blake gripped it. "This is the base." Avon stopped at a heavily reinforced door in a blank wall and put his face up to a recognition plate which scanned his retinal prints before the door opened. "Vila will put you into the system later, so you can come and go as you like."

"No need. I don't think we'll be here for very long." Blake shoved Avon through the door.

Avon stumbled on the sill, then straightened and continued. "The rest-room is straight ahead, the eighth door on your right."

Blake grinned. "Show me."

Avon led the way to the rest-room, silently. He stopped at the door. "This is it." 

Blake set Lily down and spoke to Rae in that strange language again. _"These people are allies, they won't harm us. Keep your knife to yourself and watch your siblings."_  Rae nodded, eyes flickering over to Avon. Blake ignored the look and turned to Avon. "Where's your room?"

"At the end of the hallway. In between Vila's and Tarrant's." Avon nodded towards a table in the center of the room. "There are some reconstituted rations, and the water supply is potable. The lavatory is functional as well. Is there anything else the children require?"

"No, they're fine." Blake relayed the information to Rae. "Show me to your room, now."

"Yes." Avon turned again and led the way in silence to the room that had been designated 'his'. It was actually part of a three- room suite, which they presumed to have belonged to an officer. It could be accessed from Vila's room or Tarrant's, but had no exit of its own. Avon walked into the centre of the small room and sat on the bunk, leaving the chair for Blake.

Blake looked around slowly, then he sat on the bunk next to Avon. "They keep a close eye on you. Who broke you, Avon?" 

Avon shrugged. "Servalan. You. Me. Does it matter?" 

"No." Blake grabbed Avon by the chin and stared into his eyes. "The real question is, do you want to be put back together?"

"No." 

Blake whispered, "No. No, I didn't think so." He stroked Avon's face. "You need a keeper. That's why they brought me here. They're tired of caring for you. You're a liability."

Avon flinched again. "Yes."

Blake stroked down Avon's jaw and cupped his chin, stroking his lips with his thumb. "But I don't mind taking care of you, Avon. I care about you. I always have. Will you let me take care of you?"

"No." Finally, Avon looked at Blake. "I killed you, you can't help me."

"Ah, but if you did kill me, then you owe me." Blake smiled. "A life for a life. I want your life."

After a moment, Avon nodded. "A life for a life. I did send you to Hell." Avon reached under the thin mattress on his bed and removed a whisper-thin knife, honed to razor-sharpness. He handed the knife to Blake, closed his eyes and raised his chin.

"No, Avon, you misunderstand me. I want your _life_." Blake set aside the knife and kissed his throat, biting hard enough to leave bruises.

"No. Don't." Avon tried to push Blake aside. "I don't... please..."

Blake grabbed Avon and pulled him close. He glared at him. "So you don't want to pay your debt to me? You were lying?"

Avon shook his head, bewildered. "No...please..." He shivered. "You're dead, Blake."

"Then a ghost is going to fuck you tonight, Avon. Now, get undressed. Unless you want me to rip the clothes from your body."

"No." Avon started struggling in earnest, terrified.

Blake laughed and used his weight to push Avon back against the bunk. After a bit of struggle he grabbed Avon's wrists and held them above his head. "I'm going to fuck you, Avon. Tonight, and every night. You need this. You need someone to touch you, to remind you that you're still alive."

Avon stopped struggling. "Please, no..." He lifted his head and looked at the corner of the room, at a vid-pickup high on the wall. "Vila!"

"What is Vila going to do, Avon? How is he going to protect you from a dead man?" Blake kissed him hard on the mouth. "I'm going to fuck you so hard, you'll never stop feeling me." He licked Avon's mouth.

Avon closed his eyes. "They'll stop you." But he said it hopelessly.

"Why are you afraid of me? Why are you afraid of my touch?" Blake held Avon's wrists with one hand and with the other began to unbutton his shirt. "Do you want me to force the issue?"

"I don't... I don't want anything... just to be let alone. Please..." Avon kept his eyes shut. He could feel his heart pounding until he expected it to leap up into his throat, choking him. "I'm sorry I killed you. I didn't want to..."

"But you did. You did kill me." He got Avon's shirt open and ran his hand over Avon's chest, toying with a nipple. "And now you won't give me what's owed me. You won't give me your life. You're killing me all over again." He placed a gentle, lingering kiss on Avon's mouth.

Avon gasped and opened his eyes, staring through Blake. "Do it then. What does it matter."

Blake released Avon's wrists and began to pepper his chest with kisses. "You could pretend I'm not here, not doing this to you. But I'll always be inside of you. I'll haunt you. In this life, in the next one. I'll haunt you until the end of time." He nuzzled a nipple, then sucked on it.

"Why?" Avon lay with his hands above his head, looking at Blake.

Blake looked up. "Because I love you."

"Don't! Don't say that! It isn't true, I won't have it." Suddenly Avon's eyes were glittering with rage. "You can rape me, but you won't have that from me. No more... no more fucking lies!"

Blake bared his teeth. "Oh, you would think it was a lie, wouldn't you? That's why I left after Star One. Because I loved you and I knew you would never see it as anything but a lie, a manipulation." He shook his head. "I never took anything from you. Even now, the only thing I'm taking from you is physical pleasure. Well, don't worry, once I've taken it, I'll leave. The children and I will leave." Blake slid down his body and traced Avon's bellybutton with his tongue.

Avon whispered, "You've done nothing but take from me. You took away my armor, and then you left. You took away my certainty, my self-sufficiency, and replaced them with doubts and responsibilities. I gave you everything you said you needed, everything you demanded, and you left!"

"And so you killed me." Blake laughed. "Let me tell you a secret, Avon. I took nothing from you. You're the one who wanted it over, remember? 'Wade up to my armpits in blood,' you said. Surprise, surprise, I listened to you. Don't blame me for the state you're in." He unfastened Avon's trousers and began pushing them down.

"But it's not over. It's never over." Avon grabbed Blake by the hair. "Did they tell you? Did anyone? Star One was destroyed, the Andromedans virtually wiped out the Federation fleet, and for what? The Federation rules more planets than ever, under harsher conditions than ever. The Blake I killed was a bounty hunter. What good did all your morals do anyone?" He released Blake's hair with a push and lay back. "Go ahead and fuck me and leave. We're all dead, you just haven't noticed it yet."

Blake stopped and stared at Avon for a long moment. "No. No, I've changed my mind. Die if you want to, Avon. But this time, you're not taking me with you. I have three children in my care." He paused. "What good did my morals do anyone? Let me tell you exactly what they did. Did you notice how things got worse when I was gone? People need hope, they need someone to symbolize hope, and love, and morality." Blake stood up. "I've been to hell, and I'm not going back."

"Yes, you are. But I won't be there to see it. Not again." Avon got up and pulled his clothing together. He stooped and suddenly he had the knife in his hand, and he was holding it at Blake's throat. "Stand still!"

Blake stilled. He stared at Avon calmly. "If you kill me, you'd better be prepared to sedate Rae. He'll try to avenge my death. I'd appreciate it if you'd find somewhere safe for them. Perhaps Lindor or Horizon."

"I don't intend to harm you... unless I'm forced to it. All I want is your presence until I'm away from this base, then you can return and do whatever you like with my crew and your children. Get moving."

"No. You want to run away? Then run away. But I refuse to watch your cowardice any longer."

"I need you to get past them. And I'll need you to return the ship to them. Come on."

"I said, no." Blake folded his arms over his chest. "I won't be your accomplice. You want to run away, you do it yourself. But I meant what I said earlier. I'll haunt you. I'll haunt you for the rest of your life. I love you. Goodbye."

Avon's eyes turned cold. "Come with me, or I'll take another hostage. I can rig an auto-return on the ship if need be." 

"You touch any of my children, and I'll make sure you can never use your hands again. That is, if you can manage them on your own." Blake smiled coldly. "They've lived their whole lives in a world with demons. They saw their mother killed by a monster, torn apart right before their eyes." He gave a bitter laugh. "Do you really think that you can frighten them?"

Avon shrugged. "I don't need to frighten them." He backed towards the door. "You told them to trust us, didn't you? All I need do is get close enough to pick one of them up." 

"I told them not to stab you." Blake grinned. "My children don't trust anyone but me." He lunged for Avon, knocking the knife from his hand and kneeing him, hard, in the stomach.

Avon fell, gasping, doubled over, but still reaching for the knife.

Blake had been fighting demons for several years and his instincts kicked in. He kicked the knife under the bunk and then shoved Avon onto his back. He pounced, grabbing Avon's neck and squeezing enough to made him uncomfortable. "You selfish bastard. All you ever think about is yourself. You're in pain and so that's all that matters. Who cares if I hurt or my children hurt. Who cares if your crew is in pain, because all of that pales in comparison to what you're feeling. Poor, bloody, Avon. Pity him, he's the only one who matters!"

"That's why I want to get away, you stupid bastard! I don't want anyone's pity, and I don't want a mercy fuck from you, either!" Avon clawed uselessly at Blake's hands, but Avon's legs were free and he kicked up with his knee, aiming at the target of opportunity.

Blake cried out in pain, but before he rolled away, he backhanded Avon. He gasped, "Pity? The only... one... pitying you... is yourself! You leave... my children alone. Don't you touch them!"

Avon was bleeding from the nose now, and dazed, but he got to his knees and started looking for the knife.

Blake had recovered enough to lunge at Avon again, shoving him to the floor. He scrambled for Avon's hands. "It wasn't a mercy fuck. It wasn't. Why do you have to twist everything? Why? I don't pity you. I love you. I don't want to be a part of your penance or your self-pity." 

Avon laughed. "What do you love, then? That's all you see, that's all I am." His eyes were wild. "You say I'm a selfish, amoral bastard who'd cheerfully slit your children's throats to get my own way. And you'd have fucked me and called it love. One of us is blind, and it isn't me. If you loved me, you'd give me what I need."

"At the expense of myself? No, I'm done with that. No matter what you do, you'll never make me stop loving you." Blake shook his head. "I once told you that I had always trusted you. I meant it. I don't anymore. You want to die, Avon? Then die. I won't do it for you. I'm going to take my children and disappear into the forest. I'm tired of killing, of surviving instead of living. I love you, but you killed my trust in you. I hope you're happy."

"I've never been happy." Avon stopped struggling and closed his eyes. "And I didn't want to die. I just... never mind. There are better planets... no one lives here... when you die your children will be alone. Tarrant can take you wherever you want to go."

"You'll never been happy, Avon, because you don't allow yourself to be happy. You thought you killed me, and that broke you. But when I turned up alive, you did everything in your power to destroy me again." Blake stumbled to his feet. "Let it go, Avon. Or if you can't let it go, suck it up."

Avon looked at Blake, silently.

"I'm going to go be with my children now. Please, stay away from them. As soon as your pilot is able, I'll have him take us off-planet."

Avon simply continued to look at Blake.

 Blake gave Avon a gentle smile. "Good bye, Avon. And good luck."

Avon watched Blake leave, then shut his eyes again.  
   


***

Blake headed back to the area he and the children were given. Rae sat crouched next to the younger two, who had fallen asleep curled around each other. Blake smiled. _"I'll take watch now. You get some rest."_

Rae nodded. He crawled next to his brother and sister. _"Will we be staying?"_

Blake shook his head. _"No. It isn't safe here. Now rest."_ He settled on the floor, fingering his knives, and watched the door.

***

It wasn't long before Vila came in to Avon's room. For some reason they always sent Vila in first. Avon got up obediently, and undressed without waiting for instructions. He took the sleeping pill Vila offered him, got into bed and shut his eyes. He listened as Vila picked up the knife, dimmed the light. and left. He turned over, quietly spat the pill out and waited.

***

After a while, Blake's legs started to tingle and he stood. He quietly walked around the room, stretching his legs. He had hoped for a better reunion with Avon, but he was too far gone. They both were. And now Blake had other responsibilities. He sighed and began to pace.

***

They had to be asleep by now. Tarrant was tired from piloting, and Vila probably drank himself to sleep after watching Avon's abortive reunion with Blake. For once there was probably no one watching the monitor. Avon rose from the bunk and dressed himself in silence, by feel. He slipped out of the room past Vila, hesitated a moment as he listened to Vila's breathing, then went on. There was enough light in the hallway from the widely spaced dim eterno-lights a few inches above the floor to see where he was going. He hesitated again on nearing the rest-room, but he had no choice, the only other way out led past Dayna's room, and she slept far too lightly. He moved to the far side of the hall and took off his boots. Bare feet would be quieter.

***

In the middle of pacing, Blake stopped, still and tense, listening. He was sure he had heard something, a noise in the hall. He slipped a knife from his hip and carefully made his way to the door. He opened it slightly and peered into the hallway.

Avon felt rather a fool creeping through the hallway in the middle of the night. He stumbled slightly over an unevenness in the floor, but caught himself and went on.

 Yes, there was definitely someone in the corridor. Blake opened the door further. "Vila, is that you? How's Avon?"

 Avon flattened against the wall and froze.

"I know someone is there." Blake tightened his grip on the knife. "Who is it?"

Avon ran for the exit.

"What?" Blake followed the noise, grabbing a dimly seen person and shoving him against the wall, hard. "Avon?"

"Let me go." Avon stood, boots still dangling from his hand. "I swear I wasn't going near your children. Just let me go."

"Do Vila and the others know you're about? And where are you going?"

Avon gave Blake a 'look'. "No. It's such a nice night, I'm going for a walk."

"Sorry, that was stupid of me." Blake hesitated, then asked, "Are you taking the ship or are you going to disappear into the terrain?"

"I hadn't quite decided." Avon tilted his head. "It depends on whether or not it's raining." 

"Disappear into the terrain. I'd like to get my children off of this planet. I'll tell Vila you said goodbye."

"Thank you. Now, if you'll let me go."

"Not yet. Do you have a weapon?"

"No. I won't need one."

"There isn't any dangerous fauna in the area?"

"Not as many as there were. Dayna likes to hunt." 

"I can understand that." Blake offered Avon his knife. "For protection."

"Thank you again." Avon accepted the knife. "May I leave now?"

Blake found that he couldn't move way. Instead, he leaned foward and kissed Avon gently on the mouth.

Avon closed his eyes and waited until Blake was finished. "I'm quite mad, you know. You wouldn't want to have me around the children."

"Do you plan on slitting their throats? Or otherwise endangering them?" Blake ran his hand across Avon's jaw.

"No." Avon swallowed hard as Blake touched him. "But a madman's word is no good. You can't trust me."

"No, I can't. But my children are very good at taking care of themselves. And I'm good at taking care of them." Blake kissed along Avon's jaw to his ear. "And, mad or not, I don't believe you would harm a child. Not deliberately."

"No, I wouldn't. I wasn't going to...but... I can't live in a cage, even a kind, safe cage, Blake. It only makes me madder. I can feel myself slipping away more each day. I can't... not even for you."

Blake whispered, "What do you want, Avon?"

"To be free..." Avon closed his eyes for a moment. "I'm tired of fighting and losing... but the only safe places are cages."

"Perhaps." Blake kissed him once more and then took a step back. "If you need to be free, then go. I'll be here when you get back."

Avon turned and took two steps towards the exit. He looked back at Blake. "I can't be sure I'll... be able to come back."

Blake shrugged. "Life is full of uncertainties. If you're able, you will. I love you."

"Yes. I... well... I'd better be going." Avon nodded and walked to the exit, imagining he heard Blake's footsteps behind him all the way. His retina print opened the door and he stepped out, knowing that once it shut, Blake could not follow. The door shut behind him, and Avon looked out at the forest.

Blake pressed his hand against the cold metal of the door, imagining that Avon did the same. Then he turned to walk back to the rec-room, back to his children.

Avon tapped Blake on the shoulder. "It looked like rain, so I came back."

Blake turned quickly and smiled. There were a million things he wanted to say, but he said none of them. He took Avon in his arms and kissed him instead.

Avon put his arms around Blake. "I decided I'd rather go for a walk with you and the children tomorrow."

"Yes, I'd like that very much."

"We'd better go back to bed now. Good night, Blake."

Blake smiled. "Yes. Good night, Avon."

Avon left Blake at the door to the restroom, and went on to his own room. Vila was still sleeping. Avon undressed again, and lay down in his bed. He whispered, "Good night, Blake", shut his eyes, and fell asleep.


End file.
